What They Really Said

You may have seen/heard that the Prez elect and his former opponent sat down in Chicago recently. The story I heard reported that they sat in identical chairs and talked about how to work together to solve the major issues of our country. You saw/heard what they wanted you to see/hear. I'm hear to report what you didn't hear.

-Prez elect: John, thanks for coming down - sorry about all those lies I told about you.

-Former opponent - Hey B it's OK, I counted them up and you only told one more lie about me than I told about you. I do wish you would have been nicer to Sarah though. She really didn't deserve it.

-Prez elect: Well, you saw what I had to say about H to get my party's nomination. After that there was no way I was going to lose to a gun-totin, governor from a state that's colder than the south side.

-Former opponent - Oh I understand, I just think that listening to you sayin all that wasn't really why I sat in that cell all those years.

-Prez elect: Hey John, that's all over now - after all you're pretty near the end of the road aren't you.

-Former opponent: C'mon B, I thought you were done with the negative stuff. I figure I've got two more elections in me.

-Prez elect: YES WE CAN! I mean, I'm sorry John old habit - no pun intended old boy - uh whew, ahem, forget it.

Let's get to why I really called you here. I gotta get some advice. I woke up this morning and said to myself "Oh crap, I'm gonna be leader of the free world and I don't know diddly (well actually I do know Bo, but he can't help me) about running a country, leading the military, or even what a real budget is." Even though I thought I wanted to run the world, I realize now that there's no way I can. I'm just not qualified. I told all those lies for so long that I actually believe them. What do you say about helping me out? I figured you could tell me all I needed to know about the military and leadership. I'm not real concerned about the economy though cause if we really do that Robin Hood thing it'll all be good.

-Former opponent: B, You're kidding right? We went through all the hassles and the travel and wasted millions and millions of dollars for you to call me here, get all cutesy with me and tell me this? I'm gonna have to say "Good luck" and be on my way (Long pause). Just kidding B. We POWs are loyal to the end, the bitter end if necessary, but you wouldn't really understand that now would you? If you'll get off your BlackBerry for a second, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

-Prez elect: (Pause) Look John, I'm glad you'll take care of it. I really can't be bothered with all the details right now, I've got 672 emails to reply to. I figure I can start running the country about May of next year. But thanks for coming. I feel much better and after all that's the kind of change I needed.