Think for a moment the last time you were successful at grabbing the wind and holding on to it. Hmm let's see there was the time in 1982 when I... No it was 1994 and I was... Oh wait, I'm being silly, you can't hold the wind!
Trying to grab the wind and hold on is the best way I can describe dealing with a concussion. Let me explain the injury and then I'll talk about trying to grasp the wind.
On Tuesday the 12th, Andrew was in the final minutes of a hockey game. He went into the defensive zone and blocked two shots. After the second shot block, he was on the ice (not hurt yet). He was lying on his back and his head was about 2 feet off of the ground - think about trying to do a sit up. As he was trying to get up, a kid from the other team took his stick and whacked Andrew across the helmet/mask!
Andrew got up and skated toward the puck, but then immediately turned around and headed to the bench. He was holding his head on and off as he skated toward the bench. He sat down on the bench and immediately fell backward off the bench! That's when I stopped shooting video and ran around the arena to his bench. By the time I got there, he had his helmet off, but was saying he was OK. After 30 seconds of saying "get your helmet on" the game buzzer went off and the game was over.
He went out and shook hands and then headed to the locker room. I immediately started asking the coaches 'what do you know about concussions?' At that point, I wasn't sure if Andrew has been seriously hurt or not, so I wanted to gather as much info as possible.
As we finished dressing, Andrew made an interesting statement. "What is Mom making for dinner?" It wouldn't have seemed like on odd statement except that we had eaten an evening meal before the game. I responded vaguely and asked him if he had eaten before the game. He said that he had and described a lunch type meal. This was the first blowing of the wind. I reached out, tried to grasp it and failed when I asked "what was it that we had to eat?" He called it 'Bird's Nest Pie.' We had a quiche. Hmm.
He said he wanted to go home and I said that would be OK. I asked him what day it was and he said "Saturday." It was Tuesday. Now the wind was really starting to blow. It was reasonable that he thought it was Saturday because most of his games had been played on Saturdays. I responded by saying "IF it was Tuesday, where would you go?" He mentioned something about playing games at church, but could not come up with the word "AWANA." At this point, we had a steady force going, with gusts increasing. I asked two more questions. "Andrew, how many brother's do you have?" With some hesitation, he said "5." He has 5 siblings, but only 3 brothers. The last question turned this into 90 mph straight line winds. "Andrew, who's the president." With more hesitation, he said, "Jefferson." I decided we were headed to Urgent Care.
We checked in at Urgent Care and the Physician's Assistant we saw did a typical neurological exam. Andrew seemed reasonably normal except that I knew he was very mellow. I showed her the video and then asked if I could repeat some of the orientation questions I had asked. When I gave her the correct answers to my questions and when she heard who Andrew thought the president was, she said, "You need to have him checked out more." We headed to Children's Mpls ER.
The first part of the ER was essentially a repeat of the Urgent Care. After the triage, he was brought to a room where the exam was much more detailed. He really checked out pretty well, except for the confusion part. All of his physical responses to tests were normal. He was partially oriented and was also being very resourceful. Every time they asked him "where are you?" he looked at my visitor badge and said "Children's." They decided to do a CAT scan. That test is non-invasive so he handled it quite well. The wind started to die down a bit when they came back and said "He has a negative CAT scan."
The other thing that helped the wind die down was the ER doc we had. At one point, he was talking "sticks" with Andrew - curves, flexing, brands etc. They actually lost me for a minute. At the end of the night, he said "Andrew, I played hockey and had concussions. You WILL be back on the ice, but it may take a while." For a moment I felt like the wind had stopped.
It didn't last long when they told us to follow up with the Concussion Clinic. The follow up wasn't going to be a big deal, only a few days a way, but the 2-3 week wait after the initial visit caused large gusts again.
Taking him home and not being 100% sure what the future held combined with having to wait 2-3 weeks to find out kept the winds swirling.
The visit to the Concussion Clinic was very underwhelming. I must have had high expectations of tests, questions and then a discussion of a treatment plan. I felt like they asked us more questions in the ER than they did in the clinic. And the treatment plan...do NOTHING for several days. Right. I'm supposed to get an active 8 year old to do NOTHING. No TV, reading, active games, video games, etc. Now that's grasping the wind.
In the days since the Concussion Clinic, we have worked hard to do NOTHING with Andrew. One of the caregivers for our oldest daughter came up with the idea of drawing tattoos on Andrew. He has everything from the MN Wild logo to "Hockey Rocks" to sticks all over his arms, legs and chest. It kept him quiet for several hours. He won't admit this in years to come, but he did spend some time decorating his sister's hair with various bows etc. He's managed to play some quieter board games that don't take much brain power. He's had his mother read to him - books that don't take much concentration - I might add. I let him sit and watch as I played with his brothers on the ice in our back yard. These were good activities, but most don't last long as he gets bored easily - more grasping the wind.
I had to take my turn at occupying his time so I decided that I would let him *listen* to videos on You Tube about "how to curve a stick" or "selecting the right sized stick." The more we listened, the more I was AMAZED at how much he knows about the primary tool of the game - the stick. I would pull up a video and he would say "Oh yeah, this is the one where the guy...." And he knows the difference between a toe curve and a heal curve on a stick. I didn't, but I do NOW.
On a side note, I realized that in a lot of his spare time before the concussion, he not only worked on his game, stick handling, skating, shooting, but he *studied* aspects of the game. I know he used to watch "hockey's best fights." When I told him to look into the *game,* he started learning how to do all kinds of trick shots. Some of them he can actually do on the ice. If you ask, he can tell you many different things about the stick, how to change it, who does what kind of change etc. He has more hockey knowledge than many adults who watch the game.
So all of this brings me back to my title "Grasping the Wind." This entire process has been 100% out of my control. I couldn't control his injury. I couldn't control the results. I couldn't control the time off and I definitely can't control him during his recovery. Oh sure, I can put some limitations on it and I can supervise him more closely (which I am doing), but we've already run into some incidents where he ended up doing some things that he really shouldn't - fortunately they were very short lived.
All of these things I can't control are very much like grasping the wind. I can't control it. I can't manipulate it. I can't even guide it. I can only feel it's effects. And that's what I'm doing during Andrew's concussion and recovery. I'm feeling the effects. I feel the effects of worrying about a second injury every waking moment. I feel the effects of not being able to watch him play for the rest of this season. I feel the effects of him saying "why can't I just...." repeatedly. And so, I stand in the breeze and feel it change from gentle to hurricane strength and all the measurements in between. While I'm standing here, I thank God, I mean really thank Him. Because while my world has been blown around since Tuesday, it hasn't come to the point of losing Andrew completely. I still have him to talk to, to hug and to laugh with and for all of those things, I am extremely grateful.
