Good Gifts

My last post was about "The Perfect Gift." This is similar, but more about gifts I have received. Today is my birthday. It's very nice to be honored, but I can take or leave the day.

My grandmother used to say that she was very happy when someone would send her a birthday card because that meant they remembered her. I was a kid at the time and remember thinking "You've got to be kidding! I can't imagine myself thinking that when there's money and gifts to be had on a birthday!"

Now that I'm somewhere in the morass (2. A complicated or confused situation.) of middle-age, I do find myself cherishing cards, well wishes and kind words. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy a tangible gift, but I'm more fond of the non-tangibles than I was as a kid.

I have received several remarkable gifts so far this year. I'd list them, but if I did, I'd leave someone out and that would blow out the candles on a birthday in a way that just wouldn't be pleasant.

I will however, acknowledge my daughter's wish of "Happy Birthday" to me because it was done independently with her electronic talker. She built the following sentence. "I want to I love you I want a drink Happy Birthday." Just in case you're wondering, I asked her about the drink part and she said that was a mistake on the way to the real message of Happy Birthday.

I'm thankful to be able to cherish the gift whether tangible or not. Thank you all.

The "Perfect Gift"

One of the things about trying to be a good dad that's always bugged me is Christmas Day. In some ways, I dread the holiday. Why would I dread the most anticipated day of the year? For that very reason - anticipation.

Several years ago, we decided to have each of our kids open one gift on Christmas eve. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal because we knew the "best" presents were yet to come on Christmas day. When one of my kids opened the present, they were stunned. It was pajamas. They were so stunned that they cried. I was pretty choked up too. I couldn't believe that such a let down could occur.

So the anticipation is a big deal - especially for the younger crowd. They have more than "visions of sugar plums" dancing in their heads.

The other side of the coin is that I'm not about to spend a fortune to meet that anticipation.

Consequently gift giving becomes quite a tricky business. I want to have their eyes light up, but I don't want them to think that whatever they say is whatever they get.

So we tried a little different approach this year. We asked what they wanted, but we also listened to what they said they wanted when they weren't asking. Some things were verbal. Some things were non- verbal.

We bought presents that they wanted, but then also worked subtly to avoid the "crash" of not receiving what they anticipated. We'd ask questions like "what if you get such and such instead of that really big thing you wanted?" Most of the time it was "Oh that'd be OK because..." But once in a while they'd go on to offer clues as to why they really wanted the first request. We'd listen carefully and then make a decision based on what we'd learned.

I have to say it went quite well. Each child had a favorite gift and even if the gift we bought wasn't the favorite, it was still mentioned as being "great."


There was one exception to this approach this year. My daughter is so very hard to buy for because she doesn't always know what she wants and she can not do anything physically. Giving her any kind of present is a challenge.

I got the idea for "the perfect gift" in an odd place - a funeral. Recently a friend lost her 24 year old son. His caregivers talked about what he liked and what they did to make sure he got to do what he liked. One of the caregivers talked about making sure he had HIS favorite music on his MP3 player. When I heard that, the light bulb went off in my head.

My daughter had recently received a new electronic communication device and part of it had a built in MP3 player. She'd been talking more and more about "music" and I knew she wanted some on her device. I realized though that I had never taken the time to REALLY find out what SHE wanted. So I bought her an iTunes card with the plan that on Christmas day I would spend the time sitting down with her and find out songs that SHE liked. I was excited because not only did I have a plan, I had something that I could actually DO with her while the other kids were tearing up the house with whatever they got.

After opening presents and before breakfast, we were off to my computer. We spent about an hour going through some artists that I knew she liked and then doing a wider search to see if she liked other things. After breakfast we returned to complete the searching. It was amazing how patient she was during the middle of the day when we played a couple of family games. In the evening she returned to the computer with my wife to confirm the earlier choices. Then I took over and we purchased the songs, downloaded them and I put them on her device.

She spent over an hour and a half listening and clicking through various choices on her device. Some times she'd share them with us, and at other times she'd turn the headphones on to listen by herself. I left the songs on while I got her ready for bed. During that time she said "Can I tell you something?" This usually means she's worried about something, but instead she merely said, "thank you." I knew exactly what she meant. She was thanking me for the music, for the time spent together and for the time to get the music on her device so she could use it. I gave her a big kiss and a very big "you're welcome."

Until you spend 17 Christmases looking for the "perfect gift" and watching your child be disappointed 17 times, you can't begin to imagine the overwhelming pleasure I had when she spoke those two words. No other present that I received this year can match the gift I was given in those two words.

I want to thank the caregivers of my friend's son who opened my eyes. Without their insight, I never would have found the "perfect gift."

The Change We Voted For?!

I just read today the the Administration states that unemployment will remain around 9% until about 2012. The deficit this year will be 1.47 trillion dollars.

Well, that MUST be the CHANGE we all voted for don't you think? After all, we wanted things to get bigger right? Or was that supposed to be better? I guess bigger isn't always better.

I know a lot of folks want to blame Bush and his folks for this mess, but we've had 18 months of "change" and I don't really like it.

I don't like it because the "change" I see and hear is the "ka ching" of the change machine as the new Administration hands out money we don't have. You hear about it everywhere. Congress passes another bill that sends $$ out the door for this program or that buyout. Dollars that don't exist! If the dollars don't exist, then we have to be borrowing the money - which is evident by increasing deficits and national debt!

They're forecasting that we'll continue to take in less taxes than we will spend for the near future.

OK let's do the math.

I have $100, but just in order to live it costs me $150. Where do I get the $50? A nice bank loans me the $50. Now I can live, but I owe the bank $50, plus interest (they're really not as nice as I thought).

My income stays the same but my expenses increase by a mere 2%! Now it costs me $153 to live. I still can't make it because my income hasn't changed. I borrow a second time from the not so nice bank and now I owe $103 plus interest.

It's not hard to see that it won't take me long to be in such debt that I'll never get out of it. UNLESS I complete one of the two basic rules of budgeting - 1. spend less or 2. earn more! There really are no other options here.

Borrowing until I die only leaves my heirs with the mess. Did I forget to mention that the not-so-nice bank still wants it's money with interest, after I'm gone? Well they do, and my kids are now trying to figure out how to pay the bank because when they sold all my assets, there wasn't enough to pay the bank.

So I've compounded the problem for my family by using money I didn't have. It's really no different for our country. It's as basic as it gets - 1. spend less or 2. earn more. If our country "earns more." It means more taxes. We're all ready to give more to our "wise" leaders aren't we? Well I'm not, so I'd rather spend less.

We have dug such a deep hole that if we don't stop the bleeding of money via borrowing, we WON'T be able to recover. It will bring disasters that we can't even imagine. We may think these last few years have been bad, but if we can't pay for what we need to live (as a country) then that not so nice bank in my example will come in and take over our great nation. Oh did I forget to mention that the bank is a foreign nation (or two?). If we think that fighting wars with weapons that kill is tough - wait until someone other than our law makers are running this place and telling us what to do.

So how's that change workin out for ya?

The Perfect Game

If you're a sports fan at all, you've heard of the recent "perfect game" that wasn't. Armando Galarraga was one out away from pitching a perfect game - 27 batters, 27 outs, no-hits, no-runs. Sadly an umpire called out number 27 safe and there went the perfect game - or did it?

Usually when an umpire blows a call, there's screaming from the team that feels cheated. After the screaming the manager of the team gets thrown out of the game and the umpiring crew postures to save face with statements like "the call stands."

But this was noticeably different. Immediately after the call, the Detroit Tigers didn't scream. They were visibly upset, but they kept their composure. Their manager discussed the call with the umpire and then calmly walked back to the dugout without throwing a tantrum.

After the game, the umpire admitted his own mistake and apologized to the pitcher who had thrown the perfect game. It was also reported that the pitcher forgave the umpire.

The next day the umpire had to face his humanity and come back out and do his job - this time calling balls and strikes. He met the pitcher at home plate because the Detroit manager had given him the lineup card. The umpire was wiping away tears - tears I'm sure of regret and sorrow and humiliation. All because he was human the night before.

This made me think of the many times I've complained about umpires or referees. I get pretty passionate about sporting events and have yelled at my share of officials. Why? I don't really know other than to say I get caught up in the emotion of the game. That's not an excuse for being a fool, it's the only reason I can think of.

In spite of the fact that this umpiring error was big, it's still just a GAME! The error didn't cost anyone their life. The error didn't cost anyone their marriage. The error didn't cost anyone their right to freedom. It was a mistake in a game and although it will be talked about for years to come, it did not cause bodily or permanent harm to anyone.

So why do I think it was a "perfect game?" It was a perfect game because there were human beings doing their best at their jobs. One human made a mistake and later admitted that mistake. Another human being forgave the first one for the mistake. In this day of million dollar prima donnas, these two people were the classiest people on the field. They showed what it takes to be a true champion - humility, honesty and forgiveness.

As for me, I hope to be a better fan of all of the future games I will watch - professional or amateur. After all, I'd like to be a part of the next "perfect game."

Food Perspectives

Today was an interesting day in contrasts with regard to food.

I started my day at Andover Elementary where I volunteered to assist the kids in packing food for Haiti.

I had fun doing it.
I was a volunteer.
I worked with my kids.
I worked for 3 hours.
The food we packed was basic stuff - soy, flavoring, nutrients and rice.

By the end of the time it was reported that the entire team had packed enough food to feed 29,000 people!

I ended my day at a taste test.

I had fun doing it.
I was paid a small stipend.
I sat by myself.
I worked for 30 minutes.
The food I tasted was not basic.

By the end of the time, I was full and no one else benefitted.


It struck me as quite the contrast in the world of food. The amount I was paid in the test was the same amount that it cost to make, pack and ship enough meals for one person for 7 months!

Wow. What a difference in activities! How fortunate we really are to live here!

Another Tourney II

The last post was on the front side of the Adapted Floor Hockey Tournament. Now we're on the back side of it having spent two days screaming our brains out in support of the Mustangs. It was an extremely fun time as all of the kids played well! Oh and yes we did manage to capture that coveted title of "State Champion."

I could recap the events of each game, but you can look at the Minnesota State High School League site if you want the recaps.

What I really want to highlight are two items not specific to the games.

First, I was struck in worship at church today by the contrast in a worship service and a sporting event. In our tournament games, we were all cheering and jumping and supporting and praising our kids. We used an enormous amount of energy to attempt to will them to a victory. When we saw that last goal hit the back of the net, we all rose to our feet and roared our approval. As each player was announced as a part of the State Championship team, we continued our praise. The kids had reached the coveted prize and we were there to celebrate with them.

In the worship service this morning some of the words jumped out at me. Things like "the seas will roar" or "the rocks will cry out" or "the moon and the stars declare who you are." The creation is cheering and praising the God of the universe. By singing praise, I was joining the creation that is cheering and praising the God of the universe.

The interesting part to me was that I saw cheering for my kids (and other sports teams) in a new light. I spent that energy (and if you don't know how much energy I spend at a tournament as anyone who sits near me) cheering and supporting and praising the kids as they worked toward a temporary prize. Yes it was an important achievement for them. They dug down deep to work past exhaustion and obtain the goal. But that prize, as important as it is to them (and yes to us as parents and grandparents) pales in comparison to a permanent prize.

The permanent prize I am referring to is spending eternity with the God who made us in His image. Jesus won that permanent prize for us when He gave Himself up and died on the cross for all of our sins. A worship service is an event similar to a tournament game. The slight difference is that the prize has already been won. We cheer our God and praise Him for giving us a permanent prize - life eternal.

When I looked at a worship service through the parallel of a sporting event, I found that I wanted to sing louder, clap harder and jump up and down in praise to our God for that permanent prize.

I plan to continue to cheer for my kids and their sports teams to obtain prizes even if they are temporary. I also plan to cheer for my God and the permanent prize he has won for us.


The second big thing was how my son, Josh reacted to a statement I made after the tournament. I was discussing with him the victory and how well he had played. I told him the only sad part for me was that one of his teammates did not get named to the "All-Tournament" team. Without missing a beat, Josh said "Well I could give him one of my plaques. I have 3 of them." In one sense I was stunned, but at the same time I wasn't because that's Josh. He is extremely generous.

I told him that it was a nice idea, but that I wanted him to think about it. I really had not thought that he might react that way I was merely commenting that his teammate had been deserving of the honor as well. (I had also heard from others that they felt the same way). The next day, Josh got up and said he had decided he would give the plaque to his teammate. So he went to church, took his teammate aside and gave him the plaque.

All of his accomplishments in the tournament paled in comparison to his thoughtfulness and generosity toward his teammate. I'd love to tell you that I taught Josh how do be like that, but I didn't. He does it on his own with the gifts God has given him. Oh that we could all be more generous like Josh.

What a privilege it has been to be a part of these experiences these last few days.

Another Tourney

A month ago I was writing about tragedies in life - poverty, earthquakes, early deaths etc. Now as I sit here, our family is anticipating another state tournament in adapted floor hockey.

What's interesting to me is the amount of energy I (and many others) put into the up coming games. We read about the opponents, we talk about who we'd rather face, we prepare celebrations, we honor our kids for their hard work so far and we get nervous! Yes nervous! Why? I don't really know. Everyone likes to be on a winning team, but when you compare a sporting event with the more serious topics poverty and death, it really doesn't belong on the same page.

A bunch of kids from several teams are going to gather at one place and duke it out for the honor of "State Champ." Don't get me wrong, it's a great honor and it shows a dedication to a lot of hard work. But in the light of those more serious topics, it fades so quickly.

I am mashing this around in my head because I recall our first state tournament. We had never been there before and I had never played a sport so I had no expectations whatsoever. I was merely thrilled to be there. I remember talking with the coach briefly about the upcoming games and trying to size up our chances of any kind of success. It turned out that we not only had a good chance, we were "State Champs" that year.

This year with 3 tournaments under our belt and 2 previous championships, I find my nerves getting to me if I think too far ahead. The sad part about this is that if I don't get them under control, I am going to miss the excitement of simply being at the tournament. On the other hand, I get the nerves because we've had a successful regular season and we do have a legitimate shot at that coveted title again.

I've watched the kids go through these before and I prefer their attitude to some extent. In most games, win or lose, about 10 minutes after the game they're back to just being kids. They leave that emotional baggage on the floor and go on with life as if they'd never been in a heated contest.

So here's to a good tournament for every team, a fun time for all the parents, family and friends and may the best team come home "State Champs."

But for the Grace of God II

Laura and I attended a funeral today of a good friend. He was 49 and died in a snowmobile related accident. He was a good friend who helped our family with lots of building projects over the years. He was a man of God who took trips to other countries to help others by using his carpentry skills.

We went to the reviewal last night and I was struck by several things. First, Pete lived a full life. Yes it's a cliche,' but it was very evident in the photos they had displayed. He loved his wife and kids and did a LOT of things with them. He loved his work and did a LOT for others. He loved ministry and he did a LOT for others.

Second, as I approached the casket, I was noticing his hands. I looked at his hands and realized how much love he conveyed through the use of his hands. He loved people by building things. He loved his family by building things and doing things with his hands. He loved his friends by doing things with his hands. We were recipients of that love. We have a piece of Pete in our home. He built a bathroom, a bedroom and prepared the elevator shaft. He taught me how to lay out and connect my sprinkler system. Those pieces of Pete are still here even though he now resides in heaven. What a privilege to have those pieces here.

Today at the funeral, we walked in moments before it started. We were ushered to a front row seat because that's all that was open. What an honor to be so close to our friend and his family during these moments. We witnessed tears and laughter, sorrow and joy as we saw them send Pete on to be with Jesus. It was encouraging to witness the anchor that his family had in Jesus Christ. That anchor gave them hope during this very difficult time.


Once again I want to state that I KNOW God is in control, but I certainly don't understand things like this.

Why do I tell you all of this personal stuff? Because once again, I am filled with these overwhelming thoughts regarding life. Why am I so blessed to live today? I'm not more special than my friend. And it's not that I want to die, I don't. I enjoy life. I have a great life. But the thoughts continue to boggle my mind that some die young and some do not. We do NOT get to choose the day we die anymore than we chose the day we were born.

I thank God that He accepted me as His child so many years ago. I thank God that if I die, I will spend eternity with Him. I have no doubt about this. At the very same time, I also experience enormous frustration that my friend's wife is without her husband and his kids are without their dad.

This is a very difficult emotional ride to take and I'm only the friend. I'm not the wife or the kids. Their pain has to be exponentially deeper than mine. Today I grieve the loss of my friend. I grieve for his wife and children. I grieve for all of those who have been touched by Pete and will no longer be able to receive blessings from him.

Even though I grieve, I still hold on to the hope I have in Jesus. That hope tells me that I will see my friend again some day. I am very interested to see what Pete is building in heaven with tools that always work! I am thankful for that hope during this time.

To wrap up this post I ask this question, "Are you ready to die?" Seriously, are you? You do NOT get to choose when you die. Where will you spend eternity if you were taken from this planet tomorrow? As for me, I WILL be with God. I will be in heaven and I will be living in His eternal glory.

I hope you have it figured out. If you don't, ask Jesus to come in and be the Lord of your life. Then you'll have the same guarantee that my friend Pete and I do.

But for the Grace of God

Like many of you, I've been greatly impacted by the devastating news in Haiti these last weeks. Many of the news reports have moved me to tears. I can't begin to imagine the extreme emptiness and hopelessness that many people there must feel during this time. I can't comprehend what it would be like if I had to try and provide for my family in those conditions.

I also end up having a LOT of questions. I know that God is in control and yet it becomes difficult to understand why things like this happen. Like many others, I have feelings of "survivors guilt." I ask why I am so blessed to have what I do when others have had so much taken from them.

Those unanswerable questions could plague me for the rest of my days. They could take away any hope for the future or could even destroy my faith. But the reality is that there will ALWAYS be unanswerable questions. There are just some things that are beyond our understanding. While I try not to merely "sweep them under the rug," I also know that dwelling on them endlessly is vanity.

So I've wrestled through the questions, I've cried my tears and now I want to take some actions to help. First and foremost, I can always pray. There are many people providing support in Haiti and they need our prayers. The victims need our prayers. If there are more survivors not yet found, they need our prayers. Secondly, we were privileged to go to "Feed My Starving Children" one evening with Vicki's Girl Scout troop. We packed food for an hour, but that hour will support many lives. And lastly, there are many, many dollars needed to continue the recovery effort. Now that Haiti is not top news, it will quickly fade into the background of other "hot stories." I urge you to find a tried and true mission organization that can bring both practical needs and hope in God. For us, that will be Samaritan's Purse. They are an amazing group who are well organized and are meeting physical and spiritual needs.

And I've come to a peace knowing that God himself will decide how long I stay on this rock. Until that day, I want to continue to work to serve Him as best as I know how.